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A gentleman
who had attended one of my Golf Happiness workshops called
me recently. He was beside himself with excitement because
he’d come across a quotation that he believed was a perfect
fit with my workshops. He proceeded to quote: “If you make
every game a life or death proposition, you’re going to have
problems. For one thing, you’ll be dead a lot!”
I laughed
as he revealed that the author was Dean Smith. Being from
North Carolina, I was very familiar with the man, the great
former basketball coach at the University of North Carolina
at Chapel Hill. I now use that quotation frequently because
it does fit perfectly with my philosophy about the game. GOLF
IS A GAME, not a life threatening experience. Of course Dean
Smith wasn’t talking about a physical death. He was referring
to an emotional death brought on by attaching our self worth
to our results. If we play well, we’re ok. Play poorly and
we’re stupid idiots!
While
striving for a perfection that is unattainable, we ultimately
deteriorate into the belief that no matter what we do, we
will never be good enough. The constant wear and tear on our
psyche beats us down until we are walking talking golfing
zombies. Not exactly the best formula for playing a good or
enjoyable game of golf. And that is just the point, when we
lose our perspective about the GAME we not only lose the ability
to have FUN and enjoy the
experience, we rob ourselves of any chance we might have of
actually playing well.
The horrid
mask in the picture is a prop I use in my workshops. His name
is “Joe” and he represents the physical manifestation of what
we do to ourselves when we beat ourselves silly for not living
up to our expectations. I personally relate to Joe because
I used to do just that when I was on tour. I joke about it
now, telling people that in those days, if you held Joe beside
me and asked which one was Melissa, you wouldn’t be able to
tell the difference!
How did
I escape this horrible trap? Well, I started at the beginning;
I decided that I was not my swing or my scores and that I
would no longer attach my self worth to my results. I then
set the goal every time I played that I would not judge myself.
No matter how I hit the ball or the scores that I shot, I
would not judge myself. You know what happened? I failed miserably
the first time. But I was determined to lick this problem
and climbed back on the horse by immediately playing again.
In time, with practice and a large dose of self- forgiveness,
I overcame the temptation to beat myself up and learned to
actually enjoy the experience of playing golf. Since my fun
was no longer contingent upon my scores, the pressure to perform
dropped and my RESULTS ACTUALLY STARTED IMPROVING!
One of
my three categories for this Lasting Solution page is to “Play
and Have Fun.” That is exactly what golf is, a GAME we PLAY
for FUN and relaxation, to enhance the quality of our lives.
If you find yourself making the game more important than it
is, and are dying a slow death from every round, I have a
suggestion. Instead of grinding away hour after miserable
hour on the driving range with the belief that all your answers
are found in the swing, start “practicing” not judging yourself.
The next time you play, make that your only goal. In the beginning
it will be difficult. But with commitment, patience, and a
little self-forgiveness, you will discover that over time,
it really gets easier. Eventually, all the energy you expended
by wallowing in frustration and self-pity will now be available
to experience fully everything you love about the game. Think
of it as a two for one deal. Not only will you enjoy the GAME
more; you will PLAY better. It's that SIMPLE!
©
Melissa Whitmire Happiness in Golf
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